Simply Settling

So much to blog so little time. I know I've e-mailed a couple of you some "interesting" e-mails about some deep thoughts. Truth be told, I was sitting in a coffee shop talking with Brooke who I'm almost completely convinced is my Muse. She definitely empowers me, pair that with some tough love one drunken night with Matt and Brooke a new outlook has emerged. I read the book "Many Lives, Many Masters" by Brian L. Weiss. For those of you with an open mind I don't think I could recommend a better book. It creates a timeline of your life that is unique and liberating. I use the word liberating because the more I am here and this new view of time that I am slowly learning to understand is...liberating. It allows life to be a venue for you to be yourself, whoever that may be, instead of life being the beginning middle and end. Instead of conforming and worrying about others views of you, you're free. However, another huge variable in this equation is the friend factor. If you don't have a core group of people that will love you no matter what you say or do, no matter if you're up on a table dancing, in a coffee shop sipping on a drink that you can't spell, or getting shot down by the prettiest girl in the bar. The unfortunate truth is that this has all been said, written about, and preached multiple multiple times. And, a lot of people pretend that they've had this view of life and completely understand what I'm saying. That's fine, but the proof is in the pudding (we've been hanging out with older people).
Speaking of which, Matt and I were thrown into probably the gayest situation we've ever encountered. (second gayest for me, I'm still never setting foot in Wyoming). We went to a fundraiser at Brenda and Daniel's and it was a sing-a-long. Unfortunately I didn't know any of the songs except Moon River and I think that was because of my grandparents. The proceeds went to Mercy House an orphanage Brenda and Daniel are involved with. It was fun and we had a great time but to put it in perspective there might have been 4 blue shirts in the crowd and the other 60 people were wearing pink. I think Matt and I did okay and didn't embarrass ourselves too bad, but we'll see. Brooke was in her element working the room like a pro! We learned about a dance class we could take, cooking classes, and heard some great stories about the Katoi's (Ka-toy-i's) lady boys. I bring this up because in Nebraska this lifestyle isn't as accepted, yet here it's just another way of life. But it's not a strain to say that Bangkok and Lincoln may be a little different.
I was also lucky enough to have lunch with Ali (successful Thai business woman), Kim and Siarra two exceptional writers, but more then that two of the most selfless people I've met. In fact they were nice enough to get me in touch with Ali who knows an ex-monk that runs an orphanage in town. I will hopefully be going on Wednesday to meet with ToTo or Tanto I can't remember his name. Kim and Siarra are currently traveling around the world to find a place to call home base. Unfortunately they are leaving Bangkok shortly but I will claw and fight to get their e-mail addresses to stay in contact with them. Extremely funny, generous, and some stories that you wouldn't believe. I think it's safe to say that my teaching career will never lead me to Dublin in the school Siarra taught at, her stories of teaching beat my one awkward stance in front of Thai sophomores.

Settling...something I've thought about for years and even more so now. As I said before I feel much more empowered now. I have a sense of pride not only in myself but in friends and family as well. I've recieved a few e-mails that implied that I had inspired them to do, write, or say things they didn't think they could. As a friend or family member I can honestly say that this talent or this grandoise idea was there long before now. The only thing I did was break the norm, break the "Nebraska Cycle". I'd like to think that I helped people to take that leap into the unknown. If you think about it that's the only reason we are afraid to do things that we want to do. We don't tell friends and family members our fears and ambitions due to the fact we don't know how they will react. We don't leave jobs and travel across the world away from family and friends because we don't know if we'll hack it, we don't know if we'll be okay once we get back. We don't go meet strangers for the simple fact that we are afraid they won't like us. But why settle? Why be okay with comfort? Be uncomfortable, put yourself out there! If you have that core group of friends, if you can only see that this time we have is our time and nobody else's. If you can see that perhaps those fluttering thoughts in the back of your head are encouraging you to do something don't stomp them out. There may be a lesson in their flight path, a previous debt to be paid, or a talent yet to be explored. I believe our problems lie in the fact that we never believe we deserve any better, we never believe we deserve happiness. Or that this happiness we have is as good as it gets. I'm no smarter then I was when I left, no more insightful, and no I'm not on drugs. But I have made the conscious decision not to settle for anything...I believe I owe that to myself, to my parents, to my brother, and to you. I believe this will be a tough path to follow: ruts and stumps, windy ridges, and a beast around every bend. But I never want to wake up someday and say, "Could I have done more with my life?" Meeting people like Kim and Siarra and knowing Brooke and Matt just shows me how much more is out there and how many more stories are to be told.

As I said I am in a unique spot right now hence the unique perspectives. As they say "changes in lattitudes changes in attitudes". Wednesday I have an important meeting and then Thursday Matt, Brooke and I are off to Koh Chang island...2nd biggest island in Thailand. I'll keep you updated and you keep the e-mails coming!

Here's to you,
~Nebraska